Keeping Pace

Keeping Pace

Archives for April 2007

Trashed

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My left shin has been tender this week. On Wednesday morning, I could feel the tenderness as I moved about. I pushed off Wednesday’s run until today. As I sat in the Social Security Office, again, I absent-mindedly began to palpate my lower leg. With very little exploration, I located the spot of issue. I massaged it as I sat waiting.

As I drove to the DMV, I thought that it would be a good idea to take some Ibuprofen and to ice the area. By the time I hit home again, however, the thought was clean out of my awareness.

After driving DD to the airport, my window for running manifested. I hesitated, thinking of the tender shin and then figured I’d run on dirt as much as possible and ice my leg after my run.

The run went well as long as I was on the dirt. I was running on pavement again after the first two miles were completed. I’d traveled a 1/4 mile further by the time I decided that I could not prolong the risk of injury any longer. I turned back.

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When Nothing Else Matters

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It’s now just the kids (DD included) and me. Each day I become more aware of this and my way of looking at life changes because of it. It is important to determine what really matters and what does not. It seems that lately my priorities are constantly being re-evaluated.

So many things matter a lot. Take feelings, mine for instance, they matter. During this vacation, a little too much laziness and too little respect have challenged me. A few more running miles might have helped me cope better.

After a couple of hours of pre-cleaning (in preparation for tomorrow’s departure), I had no tolerance for BoBo imposing his teenager expectations on YaYa yet again. I know that YaYa is no saint and that the conflicts are not always BoBo’s fault. But this episode, was certainly all BoBo’s doing.

In my frustration, my words may have been stronger than necessary. I was already tearful when BoBo, realizing his nobody-else-matters attitude, came over ask if I was okay. I told him exactly what I was thinking.

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Good Grief

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I don’t ever want to forget this feeling of love for Tom that I am currently feeling. It’s not that I forgot how much I loved him. It’s just that so often it got hidden beneath the pressures of life. Kids, marriage, career, house, friendships, running and goal chasing are just a few of my distractions. Each distraction has an overabundance of sub-categories that are fully equipped with tasks—further distracting me. It happens to all of us. It will happen to you if you let it. Don’t let it.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know that I loved Tom, or that he loved me. It just hasn’t felt this intense for a long time. The “better” and “worse”, “richer” and “poorer” have co-existed with this love. Perhaps, I took it for granted. Perhaps we all did.

Now, the awareness of just how deep and strong that love actually was, is coupled with a mixed bag of emotions. I’m happy and sad, full and empty, confident and insecure all at the same time.

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Not Long Enough

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I had my reservations about running down the winding road. The solution was to ride to town with the boys, and then run along the bike trail as the rest of the family took in the sights.

At first the bike trail seemed like a great way to get my 8-10 mile run completed. By the time I had traveled the first mile, I’d crossed several streets already. Still, I was avoiding the cars and the path was different.

I wasn’t even two miles into my run when the path ended abruptly at a park. The Dads lined the soccer field cheering on their boys. At the playground, more Dads pushed their little girls on the swings. It was hard not to think about Tom.

I spotted a dirt path behind the playground. I ventured onto a maze of short trails that wove around the back of the park. I watched the GPS for a good distance to turn back, but found that I had to loop around the park several times just to click off a mile. I turned back towards town as the GPS read 5 miles.

I called the gang when I hit town. They were still in town and were just heading to get a bite to eat. Whew. I only needed to run 4 more miles to reach my goal distance for the day. I did NOT want to run up the hill towards the house.

I took the trail in the other direction. After I had gone a half-mile, however, my phone rang. DD said that they couldn’t find a good place to eat so they were heading back to the house without me. That meant that I would have to run up the hill to get my miles in.

I watched the family go by in my van as I approached the main road. I began plodding up the hill. My heart rate was climbing and my breathing was rapid. I knew, within minutes, that the hill was too tough for me to take. I got on the phone and called for my ride.

I won’t chalk it up to failure. After all, I did run. It wasn’t long enough to log a 10 mile run, but it was close enough.

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