I set the treadmill speed to the slower end of the pace that I was targetting for today’s run. Then, I just let my feet keep pace with the moving belt. I could hear the pattern of my steps. Thump, thump, thump, thump…
There wasn’t anything special about it. Is there *ever* anything exciting that happens while running on the ‘mill? Most often, the answer is NO, but there *was* something different about today’s run. I was content; that was different for me. I wasn’t wishing that I was outside, impatient that I wasn’t going anywhere, or wishing that I was nearly done. I was just running along and happy to stay at with the plan that I had set out to do.
Even more comforting, I was happy to just be any other person running on the treadmill at lunch. There was nobody there watching me and trying to figure out if they should come over to ask how I was. It was a nice change.
Some things seem to be coming together, while other things leave me feeling paralyzed.
YaYa comes home without his homework assignments AGAIN, and I check on BoBo’s grades to see them falling even farther down. I feel helpless, even worthless. I hear Tom reminding me, “YOU wanted kids.” I didn’t want to be doing this all alone. But that *is* what I am doing. I just hope that I can do it right. This is anything but a run on the ‘mill.