I was dreading my first day back to work. It isn’t because of the work; it was more due to facing the people. Emotionally, I was so fragile and I felt so vulnerable all day long. I thought about the boys returning to school almost immediately and wondered if they had it right. At least then, it made sense to cry at any given moment.
The traffic was light as the neighboring school district was on their spring break. I got to work about 30 minutes earlier than expected. I arrived in my office to find a bright yellow miniature rose plant in the center of my bare desk. The first of many tears began flowing.
The morning was challenged by me being locked out of the network, my mouse not working, hundreds of waiting emails, and a required training session that was scheduled at noon. *sigh*
The day passed relatively quickly considering that I wasn’t accomplishing much of anything of value. But I was setting myself up for future productivity so all wasn’t completely lost. I felt lost, but okay until I came out of the bathroom around 2 pm.
I was leaving as someone that I know, but not well, was coming in. She was surprised to see me and expressed her condolences. I said “Thank you.” She continued. Her father had the same kind of cancer, lung. He had surgery but it spread to the brain…six years later. She said that she knew what I was going through.
But I couldn’t really have her well-meaning gesture. Instead, I felt uncomfortable and felt trapped between her and the bathroom door. I wanted to cry, but not in front of her. I hardly knew her. It completely unnerved me.
It wasn’t long after this that I asked my boss if I could leave for the day. Then I went running.