Done Wallowing

It is easy to wallow in self pity, to feel overwhelmed with “poor me”, and let the feelings of helplessness creep into the other aspects of your life. For me, this past days since my injury at Rock ‘n roll have been increasingly hard. I quit caring about my weight loss efforts, and could see images of me sitting out both Nike and CIM. But that is NOT what I am wanting to create from this.

The self pity lifestyle has left a bad taste in my mouth. Litterally, I have had a metalic taste that won’t go away unless I am eating. So, I have eaten often (even when I didn’t want to) and I have eaten stuff that I wouldn’t say were worth the calories. I just didn’t care.

The metalic taste is nauseating, but not to the point of throwing up – just so that you never feel quite right. Today, I didn’t feel like eating. I didn’t feel like being nauseated either. I went home from work and went to bed.

My doctor had responded at 10:30 pm (last night) to my message requesting an x-ray. She agreed that an x-ray was a good idea but she wanted more information. But since I didn’t get her response until this morning, I called the advice line to leave the details – “right foot, lateral aspect, hurts on flexion like my bones are locking up (like a stick). Oh, and it’s making me nauseated too.”

At 3 pm, I was getting impatient. I called again. 30 minutes later, the nursing assistant called me to say that my x-ray slip was available for me to come pick up. I drove to the clinic to get it only to find out that the Kaiser that I was in did not do the kind of x-ray that she ordered. I had to drive past my house, in the opposite direction, to the hospital. It seems like she could have just sent me there and faxed the slip. I didn’t complain; she probably didn’t know. I just got back on the freeway (now in rush hour traffic) and drove to the hospital.

After the x-rays were done, I got to see them. Kaiser has gone high-tech and you can now see them directly on the computer screen. You can zoom in on specific areas. After finding out that I was a nurse, the technician let me peak at the images. Obviously, not being a radiologist, I wasn’t all too sure about what I was looking at, but it looked good to me. I am hoping that the final read is clear.

And in the meantime, I paid a visit to Katie at Jenny Craig. I also cooked a recipe from my long ignored Jenny Craig cookbook. I thought it was tasty, but I am not sure that my family though it was so special.

Not only that, I also gave the bicycle trainer a 45 minute spin. I created an image in my mind as I rode, and tried to keep my sights on Nike first, then CIM, and finally Boston. I can’t give up now. I’ve come so far.