I can’t sleep. I don’t even want to sleep. I don’t want to think, or dream, or feel right now. So, I sit in Papa’s chair, and read blogs, and try not to think about how much I miss Papa.
It’s “forced” insomnia. I missed this classification when I was reading about sleep architecture and disorders earlier today.
*sigh*
It’s been a crazy week and it’s only Tuesday (still – for about 60 more minutes).
We had a parent meeting at the district office to get information on the school district’s GATE program. I remember those GATE kids from when I was growing up – they became the valadictorians of the various high schools. But, I look at my kids and don’t see that brilliance. Don’t get me wrong. They are talanted, and smart, and beautiful. But I also see “struggling”. I see myself.
Tonight, at Back-To-School night, more of my past came to haunt me. I sat there, with my husband, and went right back to 3rd grade. I looked at the evaluation that the teacher had left on the desk for us. The teacher had started out using purple ink, but later switched to red. And she wrote her negative comment even BIGGER. I guess she was afraid that we would have missed it.
I just sat there numb. I couldn’t cope. It was such a mixed message. My kids is indentified as “gifted and tallanted” but his teacher needs bold, red ink to write up his reading comprehension evaluation. It doesn’t compute.
I hated 3rd grade. I hated multiplication tables. I hated not being able to keep up with the future valadictorians who always blurted out the answers. But, as a parent, I need to be positive and to advocate well, and to be neutral to red ink.
To make matters worse, I asked my husband for his opinion on the teacher’s red ink and then zoned out on his answer. I couldn’t follow him. He was using terms to mean something, but the terms just didn’t compute. Okay, so my *brain* wasn’t computing. I just couldn’t cope. He left mad at me for my lack of neutrality. I don’t even know what exactly I said, but it didn’t leave him thinking that I wanted to hear his opinion. Really I DID; I just couldn’t hear it. *sigh* I DID say that I “hated” 3rd grade.
I don’t want Wednesday to get here. I am not ready for another overwhelming day. No more gas. No more parent meetings. No MORE.
Because, I am not coping so well. I am sad, and I miss Papa (who will have died a year ago on Sunday).
*sigh*
How many days until the weekend?
Sometimes it’s better to let the sadness come…deal with it….and move on. I’m sending good thoughts your way, Juls.
One of the reasons we homeschool is because of the things you describe here. Teachers are placed in the awful position of communicating with parents about where their children need help. And its so very hard too look at it objectively when you are the parent because of all those “3rd grade ghosts”. You get one sheet of paper to explain to you where your child is at, and their learning process and progress is so much deeper than that.
Relax. Let your head think about it a while.
Kids all learn at different rates and in different ways. I cheated on chemistry tests in 9th grade because it didn’t make sense, and now I have a PhD in Chemistry. My son knew only 10 words when the pediatrician said he should be speaking more than 100. Now he won’t shut up. :)
The key to it all is to have involved parents. That what your child has now, and that’s what will carry them through.
I hope things are clearer today.
I would not deny you your sadness or your grief. I am of the mindset, however, to focus on the positives. What about all the great things your Papa did? You must be very proud. That feeling of pride can help assuage your sadness. You can only hope to do as good as he did, and you may succeed.
Not to worry, I am on my third son now and my first two survived it all well, middle son was ready to run away from home and now he is straight A’s last year of college. Repeat after me, I’m going to get a good night’s sleep and take a long, long run!
One good thing about 3rd grade…it ends.
Let yourself grieve. It is normal to feel overwhelmed and sad on the anniversary of the death of someone you really loved.
Then worry about a teacher who needs to communicate in big red letters. There are lots of ways to give a parent a heads up that her child needs help and the good ones don’t involve red ink. Sounds like his teacher doesn’t have particularly stellar skills but c’est la vie. Your job will be to be on watch for YaYa feeling like he is being put down. If he just works harder then all is well.
The hardest part about parenting is figuring out where you end and your child begins. We all want to protect children from the hurts we felt as a kid but, as it turns out, they don’t always process the world the way we did. Chances are things will be fine for him.
I hope your days brighten soon.
The thing is that it is just one test. He didn’t blow it at all. He just found that the other items were more significant to him. Like the last thing that happened, where the entire last paragraph was about the girl crawling out the window, and only the final sentence noted what she said (which was what the correct response should have been to be marked correct). It’s all relative (like “almost there”), but it seems more an issue of test taking then comprehension.
Hang in there Juls, your son will make it through 3rd grade and so will you. I for one never get all those parents that look forward to back to school. I’m with the kids on this one, summer vacation is much less stressful.