Since the OS 5 update, myPhone has been having “issues.” At first, these issues were mild. The phone appeared to synch but never actually finished the process through to the end. I hate that. I’m all about follow through and finishing what you’ve started.

I took her to the Apple Store to have the genius’ diagnose and FIX the issue. After upwards of 30 minutes of watching my assigned Genius review chat boards and forums on the issue, try instituting the fix, and failing to resolve the issue, he finally agreed to replace myPhone with a refurbished phone. The following hour was sort of a self-service thing, I watched the newPhone download OS 5, then set up the phone as “new” (rather than from my presumed corrupted backup file). And I took her home.

Over the next day, newPhone continually annoyed me with her antics. She crashed applications, randomly shut down and restarted, and flickered her lights more and more. I was irritated but too busy to hit the Apple Store to complain. I tried restoring and synching — to no avail. Then, last night, she blacked out.

I tried to revive her but nothing seemed to work. She lay flat on her back, hooked up to life support (plugged in) all night long. Then, this morning, I attempted once more to restore her to good health. After TWO unsuccessful attempts, enter “Bitch Mode” — Me, not her. She remains unconscious.

Let’s see what those Genius’ have to say now.