I’ve recently changed my blog settings to have it “discoverable” by search engines. While I will admit that I continue to have reservations on doing so, I also feel that my writing of late has allowed for this freeness in exposing myself. It is good.

When you think about it, this blog is on the Internet, therefore any feeling of security was false anyway. And yet, I am not ready to link my blog to my FB page for the masses. This is certainly not where I was in 2005 when I first began blogging.

I’ve been reflecting back on those early days where I broadcasted my blog to the masses. I sent emails to family and friends and gave out the link freely. I still remember Big Sis reading and commenting and calling my writing interesting “data.” She then cautioned me not to let my running “take over.” Yeah. I quit giving out my link so freely after that.

It didn’t stop there. I also searched high and low for all of you. I made a career out of discovering running blogs and putting myself out there in the vast blogosphere for all to see me. In these early days, I left comments everywhere I could in much the same way as a dog will pee on every bush and tree and hydrant he possibly can. That was me – drooling over those established bloggers and trying to make my own mark.

And then things changed. In the year following my husband’s death, I began writing about other things. I pulled down my filters and wrote about whatever was on my mind. The readers flocked, as did Big Sis. I guess my writing no longer fell into the “data” category. At first it was good, but then I found myself fielding comments that I wasn’t ready for. ‘Cuz that’s what happens when you open up Pandora’s box.

When it got too much, I retreated. I left a farewell message on the site, pulled all of my writing from it, and moved here – telling only a select few of my readers.

With this new start I did NOT broadcast to the masses. In fact, I kept an unwritten rule that those who knew me in real life were not allowed to know of the blog. Once again, over time, this too has changed.

Evolving along with me, my blog has continued to morph over time. And as readers come and go, my voice changes too. Indeed, your feedback guides me in the way that I write about the everyday things that I choose to blog about. I still write for me, but I also write for you.

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During the Saturday afternoon rush to ready my house for guests, I walked into a wall with a table.  The result was a fat lip which was far too tender to attempt to cover up with lip color.  My looks were blessed with wild hair today rounding out the look.  Do you know what?

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In childhood, my parents taught us to say grace at the dinner table before taking our first bite. It was always the same: “Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen.” In adulthood, my view on the prayer is that it is too routine, impersonal, and just feels unnatural to me.

There are some occasions where one person might say a less routine prayer of thanks on behalf of the entire group. Again, my level of comfort with this varies depending on who is sitting around the table with me. How can I speak for everyone’s thankfulness? So, I’ve opted to skip grace on most days and say it only when it feels right. On those occasions it has been more of a collaborative effort with me starting it off and YaYa contributing to the list when I have finished. That seems to work much better — for me at least.

With guests coming for YaYa’s sacraments and Easter, I would like to come up with a solution that works for not only me but everyone. I am thinking of starting it off with what “I” am thankful for (1-2 things) and then ask for each person in turn to add 1-2 things that they are thankful for. If it works, I’ll have much more to be thankful for; I’ll have something to carry forward.

Whether or not our daily bread is taken with grace out loud or internally to ourselves, I think the new approach will be a nice option to have.

To those who are up at o’dark thirty and out the door running, please tell me how you do it. I’ve got the get up part down. It’s the out the door part that I can’t seem to manage.

When my alarm sounded this morning, I was out of bed in seconds. It took only one glance out into the darkness for me to shake off the idea.

I DO need a run. I’m in the peak of training and my running has fallen off course due to life happening.

I’m not complaining — really. Who complains when family comes from afar for visits? Not me. I also don’t complain when old friends roll into town and make time to see you during your lunch hour.

I just need to figure out how to manage it all and still keep my kids as my priority.

I’ve got my first 20 mile run scheduled this weekend and I MUST make it happen. The question is: How? And when?