This is not your typical case of the “in-laws” moving in. My house guests are of a different sort. I should add that my in-laws would be welcome to stay with me any time they wanted. They are fabulous. No, my house guests have been with us for quite some time. Given the length of their stay, you might even call them “fixtures” rather than guests. No matther how you categorize them, they have worn out their welcome.
Up until now, it has really been no trouble keeping them around. They do not eat any of my food, and they have even been useful at times. Now, I know that they are guests rather than family, but I have a few expectations given that I have continued to provide a roof over their heads. May I also point out that housing does not come cheap in the Bay Area these days. The problem of recent days has been in the area of loyalty. Since my husband’s passing, they have turned on me. I am left to wonder what role Tom had in keeping our relationship positive. The change has been subtle, but I can not longer be pretend to not notice the injustice.
The question is: What can I do about it?
I am not one to name names but, in this instance, I will make exception as I think their names provide an important context. The first of these guests is named “F.L. Mirror”. He has always been one to compliment me. He has given me a flattering view of myself – no matter what angle I question. But since Tom has passed, he has been less than flattering. Lately, he has been down-right insulting.
The second guest goes by the name of “Scale.” He provides insists that he has no first or middle name, no initials. He is just “Scale.” It is now a little creepy to think that I barely know this peculiar guest whom has made his resting spot in the room adjoining my bedroom. Furthermore, he insists that he will not leave the room, even when I am showering – fully exposed and vulnerable. I probably should have been weirded-out earlier in this game, but Tom insisted that I had nothing to worry about.
Truthfully, Scale seeing me naked is not my biggest concern. Again, it is the change in his communication since Tom died that gets to me. He used to flash me numbers that made me feel like an Olympic gymnast who had executed a perfect performance. Now, similar to F.L. Mirror, he only upsets me with his offending commentary. I just grab my towel and slink away in a cloud of sadness.
I cannot take this abuse any longer. I am vulnerable enough already. Since these guests have been with us since before Tom’s passing, I am motivated to work on the relationship if there is any hope in doing so. I just need to determine the best way to change the relationship between myself and these two guests. If this cannot be done, I will be left with no other option but to send them packing.
Constructive feedback and/or comments are welcome. Please hold all negative feedback, or messages urging me to get out of bed at some unheard of hour to exercise. Laughing encouraged.
Thanks for the laugh this afternoon! :)
You could dial down that pointer needle on scale so that it reads like negative 10lbs before you step on. That would solve the problem with no pain or suffering. There you go.
If only Scale was that kind of guy. If he were one to believe that sort of lie, I’d be doing well. That would only leave the problem of his buddy, F.L. Mirror. What do I do about him? He is almost worse.
It is clear to me now that Tom kept these guys on their best behavior OR, could it be, that he kept *me* on mine? *duh*
In my house, Tanita says I’m fat and Seiko says I’m slow. :)
John
The nerve! Maybe your guests need to take a little break. If they can’t say anything nice, maybe they shouldn’t say anything at all, eh? I gave mine long sabbaticals ages ago but let them visit on blue moons.
Big of me ;)
I still get jibes from Ward Robe to keep me from eating seconds, mostly because Bud Jet jealously won’t allow more generous inhabitants.
I’d put those ungrateful guests into a box and toss them into the garage until they can get a better attitude and treat you with respect and dignity that you deserve!!!!
I think the cousins of your guests have moved into my house. Do you think we need to call an exterminator?
Beverly
A great post and one that so many of us can relate to. Our friend, B. R. Mirror insists that I am about 15 years older than I think I am. What is up with that? I’m not even talking to Scale. I’m giving him the silent treatment.
I have sent Scale and FL Mirror on vacation for a while. I can deal with FL Mirror, it’s Scale who is messed up. He tells me lies all the time…
they same guests are here with me . . . and they don’t want to leave . . .
Ugh…I just hate scale!
Ha ha. We had an unwanted Scale too and a few weeks in the garage let us both know where he stood with us.
Put a piece of masking tape over Scales eyes and get a black sharpie and write in any number you like.
As far as Mirror goes, get an old eyeliner and find something amazingly positive to jot on him that way when you have to look, you have something to re-focus your mind. I like this one by Buscaglia,
“Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.”
Have a cheerful day.