sick and tired

I’ve been cooped up in my house for the past five days. A good deal of my stay was spent with my arms wrapped around one of the three toilets in my house. The experience was reminiscent of a time back in 1997 where morning sickness coupled with a sinus infection had me similarly incapacitated. Back then, in an effort to spend a bit of time off the bathroom floor, I hunched over the bathroom sink instead. This was where I learned the importance of proper body mechanics in ALL things – most especially vomiting! I’ve been paying for that mistake ever since. Suffice to say, I learned my lesson.

Unlike the prior experience, I am able to take antibiotics and other medications with this illness. In fact, a good deal of my nausea is probably caused to the antibiotics prescribed to treat my current illness of pneumonia. Although I am now able to tolerate solid food, the anorexic impulse continues. Still, I feel much better than I have been feeling and feel that after 5 days of antibiotic treatment, I don’t pose a threat to spreading my joy with those who come near me.

Having gone to work today, I am acutely aware of the surrounding cubicle-dwellers who cringe anytime I cough out loud. I also try not to elaborate on the details of how I am doing – so as not to alarm anyone sitting nearby. This may give the impression that I don’t want to talk. To be perfectly honest, I am just trying to be as normal as possible; I really don’t want to come up with an in-depth explanation for all of the lingering symptoms – which apparently may last up to a full month after my antibiotic treatment has completed.

Since I need to keep clearing the mucus from my lungs, I am forced to get up frequently and find some place to cough in private. Even the bathroom poses a challenge. I sit in my stall waiting for the last person to leave before taking a deep inhale and COUGH. At one point, I walked to my car to take care of business because the bathroom never seemed to clear out.

My youngest and theMAN do not seem to appreciate how little energy I have for carefully choosing my responses to their questions. Not only do I not have the energy for this, I also am lacking the energy required to decipher their responses. Somehow, I thought that they would understand my need to be direct and get concise responses. That does not seem to be the case. They are both hurt and/or angry with me.

And now that I am at work, I am trying not to alienate anyone here.

It’s hard work.