Today, when returning to the office after a mid-day run, a couple of co-workers remarked at how different I looked. One went on to say that she almost didn’t recognize me because I looked so relaxed. I was a little surprised.
There is no denying that my lunchtime escapes have a huge effect on my inner peace and ability to handle the stresses of everyday life. I just never thought of myself as one who outwardly showed stress – at least not of the work-related kind.
Apparently, I was wrong.
When someone dies, people focus all of their energy on remembering all the goodness that person brought to their lives. In the initial period of loss, it makes sense; it helps lesson the pain.
For me, there came a point where I needed to acknowledge the wrongs so that I could move on in my life. I had to examine my relationship (good and bad) to make decisions on what I wanted and perhaps more importantly, what I didn’t want if I was to even consider a future with someone else.
That process stimulated a lot of ill feelings which I fought back for a time. It’s okay to be mad at yourself for your wrong doings, but people don’t like you being angry with the dead. You’re only supposed to think good thoughts of them.
After a bit, I discounted that idea on only-happy-thoughts as another one of the fallacies of loss. Just like how people think you’ll just get over it in a year or two, it is a misconception. It does no good to consider only bits and pieces of the whole person – whether alive or dead. “For better or for worse,” right?
— Johnny Cash, Bird On a Wire
Sometimes, you just have to stop what you’re doing and keep your distance. Maybe it’s a train passing, or perhaps it’s just someone who needs a little extra space. Keep clear and let ’em pass.