Keeping Pace

Keeping Pace

Reasons

by

The following entry has been modified since its original publication due to feedback that I received. I hope the edit will help to clear the confusion which accompanied the original version:

I wish I had just put it in an email in the first place. No. Instead, I tried to talk to you and, just like I was a child again, I phrased it in a indecisive way. “Would you be mad at me if I YaYa missed the football game on October 19th?” I could have kicked myself in the head. As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted having phased it that way. What is wrong with me?

You didn’t say much. You just asked why YaYa needed to be there since he wasn’t running. It was a simple enough question. The answers swirled in my head but I just held my tongue, and hoped that you could read my mind. Of course you couldn’t. My husband seemed to be the only one who could do that, but even Tom made me work for it.

I didn’t give my real reason for wanting YaYa with me at Nike. I didn’t think that you would understand, and yet I hoped that you would just KNOW. It’s childish, I know. Sadly, it’s true. When you asked if he could stay with a teammate’s family, I only shrugged my shoulders. Then I walked away sort of numb.

Afterward, I began wondering to myself What just happened? Of course, it didn’t take a brain surgeon to figure it out. As I drove down the street I began wishing I could do a retake. Maybe I’d get it right. Probably not.

I can’t begin to articulate the reasons why YaYa needs to be with me in SF instead of at his football game on October 19th. I am afraid to list the reasons out loud to you. I am afraid that I won’t make sense, or that you won’t understand. Perhaps, I should give you more credit than that. Perhaps, I should at least give you a chance.

Somehow, telling you is scarier than putting it out of the internet for the world to see. The internet cannot see my face. You can. I can cry in front of them, but I don’t want to cry in front of you. After all, I hardly know you…but I would like to get to know you better.

Comments

  2. I don’t know who you are talking too, but I think you should go back and do your retake. This is important to you, and big. If it’s a hotel “roommate” and they say no, then make other hotel arrangements, even if it costs you. It’ll be worth it. Best wishes!

  4. If the hotel room is the problem you can both come stay here. I have to get up and go there, too so no problem. I figured out a parking trick last year, too. Anyhow – always an option.

  7. All valid reasons. Even if they weren’t valid, they are your reasons and you are the momma and nobody needs to mess with the momma.

    Good Luck at the race.

  8. I’m catching up on your blog and noticing you seem to be in another emotional trough. I’m assuming YaYa is also begging to go, which probably isn’t helping you wrestle free a resolution that satisfies everyone. All of us Moms certainly understand why you want him there.

  10. follow your heart – call a do-over (remember like in school yards?) and then – take your time , look the person in the eye and be true to your self.

  11. Not sure what you are talking about. Sharing a room with another runner? If so, they may not want a child sharing the room (need to prep for their marathon too..) Is it the dinner? YaYa is like a young adult. Anyhow it seems you ought to give the person a chance especially since you just put thoughts to the world on the internet. My opinion of course. Doesn’t seem fair to that person. Anyhow, do what you need to do (which I know you can do!:))

  12. I agree with everyone else, your reasons are your reasons and of course you would want him there with you.

    Remember what they say, if at first you don’t succeed….

    Lots of hugs

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