We all wish for a little time to ourselves now and again. Solitude offers us time for a little introspection, a little reprieve from shuttling the little ones here and there, and time to just sit around and do nothing. It is a time to develop an appreciation for what we have.
Being alone is not all bubble baths and glasses of wine. It has it’s drawbacks too. There is such a thing as too much quiet. The profound loneliness of my empty nest, however temporary, was a reminder of a future that I don’t want to face. I realize that I have plenty of time between now and the time where both boys will be moving out. Still, 1 1/2 years has already gone past and I am no closer to moving on. My mind cannot even entertain the thought of a relationship with anyone else but Tom, and yet I know that I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. BoBo is already entering his junior year of high school, and YaYa is only 6 years behind him. What IF I am still alone by the time both kids are moving out? Hopefully, I’ll be better at being alone by the time my nest is emptying.
After two full weeks of time to myself, I had my fill of alone time. I was ready for screaming boys, and mouths to feed. I was even ready for empty cartons of milk in the refrigerator, wet towels on the bathroom floor, and ongoing requests to shuttle here and there. I was certainly ready to give up the early calls from YaYa in NY, and late chats from BoBo in Hawaii. My son’s vacations were exhausting me.
BoBo’s flight arrived first, and I was thrilled to hug my son who now towers over me once again. YaYa’s plane arrived the following day. He also seemed to have grown in the time that he was away. I soon found myself driving down the freeway with a car-full of testosterone-driven farts and burps, bickering and name calling. As the radio was overtaken by music foreign to my ears, I wondered just how long it would be until I’d want some solitude once again.