Today was the actual birthday boy’s Birthday. It’s also another 21st – another month since Tom’s death. I’ve been feeling the coming of the 21st each month. It’s like a wave of awareness of what is different, and of what is missing.
Since I’d invested plenty of fund$ to make Sunday a special celebration for YaYa, I did not have plans for today. No cake, and no presents. Having spent more than my budget allows, I had nothing more to give. That was even with my Mom and Sisters bringing a dish to share at his BBQ.
DD, Tash, and BoBo did have more to give. Plenty. They spoiled him with a trip to the beach, made him a special dinner, and then showered him with gifts.
While I loved watching YaYa smile and have fun, I feel so inadequate and alone. I wish Tom were here.
You are definately not inadequate, just missing your mate. Hang in there.
Love,
Linda
I second that. You are amazing. I don’t think you will ever be alone…
Not alone, yes. But you can be surrounded by tons of people and still feel totally alone. It’s sadly strange, but I think that it is just part of the process. It passes and I move on again.
I can’t imagine being without my best friend and partner, if anyone ever tells you to hurry up and get over it. Kick them in the teeth for me.
hang in there, you are amazing, even when you don’t feel like it and your kids will know later how hard this was for you too.
hugs
I’m sorry you feel so isolated and alone. I wish I could somehow fill that void but I know that only time will do the trick.
As your sister pointed out – you are not inadequate at all – you are amazing.
I agree with you Juls; loneliness is so much more profound when you are surrounded by people. Especially people you love, who love you too. Big hugs.
And happy birthday to YaYa! We just did double birthdays around here, too, and my pocketbook will be taking a much-needed breather.
You are allowed to feel lonely. You are allowed to feel blue. It’s’ natural and in a way necessary, so that you can recognize happiness when it arrives. And it WILL arrive, in time … thinking of you.
You are really amazing to try to make the day as special as you could!