Exhausted

It had been quite a few days since my last run. Today was the first run since I received my new medicine for my blood pressure and the first since my worries over the breast lump began. It wasn’t easy to fit it into my day and the run was generally difficult.

For starters, I had YaYa with me. We hit the bike store shortly after they opened to pick up his bike. The day was already heating up. With limited time, we applied sunscreen, filled our camelbaks and were on our way. I felt fatigued right from the start.

YaYa stopped at the first par course station. He was slow to catch up with me afterwards. I slowed down so that he could get ahead of me for the hill. Sometimes I can give him a push the last few feet so that he doesn’t have to get off and walk. He charged the hill and was doing well. I kept my pace and let him take the hill on his own. He stopped short but I am sure that he could have made it. We sipped our Gatorade Endurance prior to continuing on. We had only traveled 1 mile.

Whether YaYa was ahead of me or behind me, I just could not relax. He stopped often and I could see that he was not having any more fun than I was. Just after the 3 mile mark, I gave up and told him that we were heading back to the start. It would only be 6 miles but it just wasn’t working.

I sat on the grass and watched YaYa play on the playground. One of his classmates was at the same park so he was having a great time. I felt all alone there watching them play. I reached for my cell phone and called my favorite sister-in-law.

Hours later, after we picked BoBo up at the train station, I was off again for part 2 of my run. I left from the house and ran down the street. Half of my run would be on the sidewalk and the other would be in the same park that YaYa and I were in.

The exhausted feeling returned shortly after starting out. I lingered with every step. As I ran, my mind went wild with possibilities for the future (mostly negative). I searched for something positive to grasp on to but my attempt was futile. I thought of Tom and how he would have said just the right thing to get me out of this funk.

I began walking and reached for my cell phone. I needed to talk to someone. I called Coach. He probably wasn’t too flattered. “I needed to talk to someone…anyone that would answer their phone,” I told him, “and I thought of you first.” I guess I figured that he would say “RUN” but he just listened. Soon, I was running again.

I ran for a bit more. I was now heading back towards the house with only 7 miles to go. I wanted to walk but I wanted to be back home. After a bit, I told myself that I could walk as soon as I hit the sidewalk again. But then my cell phone ran. I happily began walking to take the call. It was Tom’s cousin who was calling from the Chicago area. She was just checking up on me and hadn’t heard the news of my newest scare. I walked and talked for about 2 miles.

Then I ran home and stumbled up the walk. I felt like sh!t. 20 miles never hurt so bad. Upstairs I went. My weight was down and my blood pressure was low. The horrible run was making more sense. I was more than just stinkin’ thinkin.’ I was surely dehydrated in addition to adjusting to the blood pressure medication.

I took a shower and took a nap.