Exploring the options

“Grief is a personal journey, never the same for any two people, and as unique as your life and your relationships. Although lose is an inevitable part of life, how you approach this fact cam make the difference between meaningless pain and the manifestation of understanding and wisdom.”
~ Sameet M. Kumar, PhD in Grieving Mindfully

YaYa stumbled, half-asleep, downstairs to find me making my morning coffee. His face showed the residual fear and sadness of another bad dream. For the remainder of the morning, YaYa was scared to be alone anywhere in the house. I stood by him as he dressed, followed him to the bathroom to pee, and sat by him as he ate. As difficult as it is to get anything accomplished, I felt bad for my little guy and continued to reassure him that I was there for him.

By the time BoBo awoke, I was leaving to take YaYa to daycare. BoBo was already grumpy and annoyed about having to attend a bereavement counseling session with me. We fought the whole morning leading up to the appointment. While I don’t want to create a problem where there isn’t one, I worry that he isn’t grieving but, rather, holding his emotions back.

It is easy to see that YaYa clearly has a need for bereavement support as he wears his emotions on his sleeve and readily discusses them. I have scheduled a bereavement counseling for YaYa and me as a transition to the “Middles” Support Group that begins in September. He has already agreed to attend.

In contrast to YaYa, the evolution of teen-hood makes BoBo’s emotions harder to discern the “normal” from troubled. I am sure that BoBo is still upset with me for making him attend counseling with me, but at least now he understands that I am acting out of love rather than that I feel he has a problem.

By the time we were heading home from the counseling session, the tension between us had dissipated. BoBo has agreed to join the family at the Children’s Bereavement Camp next Sunday, but remains hesitant about the Teen Support Groups in September. I have left the decision to attend group as BoBo’s choice and remain hopeful that the camp will open his eyes to the possibility.

One of Tom and my biggest concerns, when we were first informed of his Cancer and impending death, was the children. What parent wouldn’t want to minimize the pain that their children experience?

At a minimum, I wanted BoBo to have a better idea of what options he has available to him. I will not force him to attend any of the support groups, just as I am not forcing him to do football or running, but rather will let him know that support will *always* be available to him should he want to explore any of the options.