Everyone asks me, “How are the boys?” It is so hard to tell for sure. I say that they are okay “for the most part” but who really knows. I know that I have good days and bad days. I expect that the same is with them.
The emotions are certainly intensified in our home these days. The frustration, sadness, and anger come on ten-fold. What’s a Mom to do? It’s hard to know exactly.
YaYa and I came home from the baseball game to find BoBo in the front shooting baskets. It seemed normal enough, but something wasn’t right.
Very non-challantly, he asked me for something to which I said “no.” This wasn’t what he wanted to hear but I figured that he shouldn’t be too surprised. But it *was* a big deal, or at least turned into one. I didn’t occur to me that it was something bigger until he disappeared out the front door.
Now, teenagers do need their space often enough and BoBo has been no exception. I figured that I’d give him a while to cool down before I went for a ride through the neighborhood. After a while, I did pile YaYa into the van and drove around.
I called BoBo’s cell. He kept answering and then hanging up. It didn’t allow me to leave a message so I called my voicemail and sent a voicemail to him from there. I said that he needed to call me back or his weekend would be in jeapardy too. He promptly called.
In the meantime, YaYa was near tears asking what would happen if BoBo never came back. The poor kid; he shouldn’t have to worry about these things.
BoBo told me where he was and asked for an hour by himself. It turns out that it wasn’t really me but he still needed to be alone. I granted him some alone time. Minutes later we were sending text messages back and forth to re-negotiate the curfew. Technology sure has changed things since I was his age.
In my messages, I told him that I loved him and that I was sad too. I said that I thought we should be together but allowed him the time. I told him that I wouldn’t be sleeping until I knew he was safe at home.
And NOW home is where he is.
You are certainly going through unchartered territory, but sounds like you’re working it out so far. Technology really has changed things since we were his age!
just yesterday, i sent my kids out to walk the dogs around the block. i have been way too overprotective & figured this is something i should have let them do a long time ago … at any rate, off they go (11 & 7) with the dogs & the cell phone. they seem to take FOREVER & so i call … 3x – no answer. I go out with my youngest to try & see how on earth they could take so long & there they are – walking up the street. i checked the phone – it was on silent. oops.
the teenage years are something i am not looking forward to – but the technology gives a small measure of comfort (when actually ON)… despite the intensified emotions in your home these days – it seems to me that you are doing a stellar job!
ps. thanks for visiting & commenting!
Everything is magnified ten fold, and every little thing escalates quickly because nerves are so raw. You have to work hard to push the emotions aside and think clearly about what is best for everyone. Then, your family bonds and love will see you through it all, Juls. We believe in y’all.
what a time. adolescence is tough to negotiate when everything is “normal.” add the death of his father and I can only imagine the turmoil.
nice job working it out, mom!
Juls,
I’d say you handled it perfectly. The scenario you described happens frequently in the homes of teenagers – although as mentioned by others, it is magnified at your house by the loss of Dad. The parent response is key and yours was right on. The other piece is the bystander – YaYa. Make sure he knows that Conor loves you both, and that even when people love each other they get mad. Getting mad doesn’t do anything to the love.
I tend to slip into my Parent Ed role too easily – I’m sure you already know this.
Oh Boy, You are not only Super runner, you are also Super Mom!!! Hang in there and great job!
I read your blogs everyday! You are an inspiration to us all! We love you!
As everyone already said, you handled the situation perfectly.
Take care
I wish I had your parenting skills and patience. Just when I think you can’t top something, you go and impress me again.
I don’t know how you do…maybe you should write a book.
You are doing the best you can Julie! Tell YaYa he is such a caring brother and a good speller too.