I am proud to report that I survived my first week back to work since Tom’s death. It was a strange work-week, where I felt like I wasn’t really accomplishing much of anything at all. My greatest moments were when someone asked me if I knew how to fix some formatting issue on MS Word or Excel. It’s not much but it is something. My colleagues were appreciative of having an fix for their issue.
The other accomplishment for the week was keeping up with my marathon training. Although my running has proved to be my sanity keeper, making time for running was a little more of a challenge than the actual workouts themselves. Interesting enough, my runs were similar to the energy level of my day.
Monday was long and very emotional. I had skipped my long run on Sunday and found a great release in being able to take some time to log a 12+ mile run. Just as it was good to get back to work, my return to my training schedule was good for me as well.
On Tuesday, I ran with Mark. My run was a short (3 mile) recovery run. The distraction that he provided, asking questions about his Garmin, was good for me. My technology savvy mind provides a wonderful resource for many and Mark is no exception. While he benefited from my knowledge of the technology toys, I also benefited.
Mark acted as a sounding board for my little frustrations. I complained about near strangers hugging me and asking what happened – making me re-awaken the painful story again. I complained about TLC, who had cornered me by the bathroom telling me that she knew “exactly how I felt.” Mark said that he didn’t know how I felt and that he wasn’t about to tell me so. Then he offered his support for whatever I needed and reiterated that many felt the same back at the office. The run helped me recover from day one of work as much as it helped me work off the aches of the long run from the day before.
Thursday was my next run. I opted to do a four mile run on the treadmill. I tried to stay engaged in the run, but it ended up being a run lacking focus. My mind drifted off for bits. When my mind was present for the run, I felt the anger rise to the surface. I would ramp up the speed and run though it for a few minutes. It helped me on a day that was much the same as my day.
Today‘s six mile run came after an afternoon of rushing around. BoBo had an appointment to check out a swollen eyelid. After discovering that the high school takes *much* longer to release your child, I was morphing from the Mom who always arrives 15 minutes early (as requested) to the Mom who is LATE. From the appointment to the Goodwill truck for another donation drop and then home to call back on the issues of account closures, etc.
With just two hours left until the last possible time to pick up YaYa, I am dropping BoBo at the mall and heading out for my six mile run. It should have been enough time, but throughout the run I kept a watchful eye on the time. The pressing deadline crept into my awareness and, without much effort, I found my pace creeping up as well. I had to put on the breaks often to keep within the schedule pace zone. In the final mile, I just gave into the “gotta go” urge and let myself push hard.
YaYa *was* picked up on time and we came home to begin preparing for a busy weekend. A weekend which, by the way, I am looking forward to very much.
Wow people can be such idiots. I’m glad you have a good friend like mark–and he runs, too! I wonder if I will jump back into running the same way you have.
not likely.
:)
Julie, The first week is the hardest. I remember going back to work after my mother, who had been living with me, died. It was really painful to have people ask about her or even say they were sorry. It just dug up really raw wounds. Funny though, after some time went by, when everyone else had moved on with other things – there were times I just ached to have someone say her name.
Your inner strength and your writing give so many people courage and strength to face the challenges of their everyday life. Thanks for sharing with us.
Your running seems to be right back on track as well. I’m glad it helps you find some calmness and inner peace.
I got a little (and I emphasize little) taste of what you’ve been going through with the events of the past week. That you’ve been able to recover so well — and enjoy running again — gives us all hope we will too.
Its hard when people want to commiserate with you and all you want to do is not be reminded. It says so much about you that you accept their unwanted commiseration with stoicism and empathy for how they feel. It does make THEM feel better. Glad to see the training is coming along and work and family is ramping up. Stay strong, Juls. Hugs…
I’m so sorry that little Miss Assvice assaulted you at work – bah! I too, am glad you had someone to vent to.
Excellent milage! I’m really impressed. You are such a stud.
I think what I admire most is your grace and dignity through this whole trial. Your strength too, but mostly the way you have handled yourself and those around you. That ability to be gracious when others are not, to hold yourself together till you have a private moment, or when you have a good friend to listen, to allow other people the grace to fumble around, realizing they are trying to reach out to you in the only way they know how, those are the pieces that define a person of character. Grace and dignity under fire and stres are the characteristics I aspire to that you have achieved.