The Stress Cycle

I got mad at YaYa this morning, and then felt so horrible for my bad behavior. He’s got a mind of his own, and his thoughts don’t always lead him to logical decisions in clothing choices, or other trivial things. We were running about 30 minutes late, but so what. It really doesn’t matter. And yet, I let him know that I was frustrated, only to have to spend the extra 5 minutes wiping his tears, hugging him, and telling him that I was sorry and that I *really* loved him A LOT.

I’m stressed out. I have another phone interview today and another one tomorrow. I’ve never been good at selling myself so the interview process is difficult. And do you know the *real* reason why I was running late? It was because I had spent extra time putting on make up and styling my hair. For the interview you know. The PHONE interview. It’s stupid. They can’t even see me, but it makes me feel better about myself.

A run would also make me feel better about myself. Everyone here at work, is wondering when the announcement regarding the status of upper management positions will be made. It’s been decided, but the Friday update just said that the persons that were chosen to fill the positions would need to be notified before we all were to find out. It’s business as usual, but the usual decisions can’t quite be made without knowing if we are going to be around to see the process through. I went back and forth on if I would run another day in a row. IF I was in training, Monday would be a cross-training day, and I need to do something for my nerves.

I finally decided that I’d better not run again today. I decided that today I would cross train. So I grabbed my workout bag and went to our fitness center. I knew that I didn’t have my cycling clothes and shoes but figured that I’d use the LifeCycle instead of the Spin Cycle today. The fit is not exactly ergonomically correct, but I’d make due. In the locker room, I reached into my bag to find my least favorite shorts. They are my Race Ready shorts with the split leg panels – they offer a good show of the leg to on lookers and make me very self-conscious when I wear them. The LifeCycle ought to make the look even showier. Oh well. I can think of worse parts of my body to show off.

I decided on the random hill program, set the level at 6, and set off down the virtual road. With iPod playing my favorites, and TVs in clear sight, I had the necessary distractions from my usual indoor related restlessness.

One thing that I hate about the LifeCycle is that no matter what settings you choose, the flats are too easy and the hills become too hard. I began spinning all too easily for the first bit. My heart rate, which tends to run high, was just over 100. EASY! A few minutes passed and finally the program was taking me to a more familiar pedaling effort. I pedaled along and tried to keep the effort even. Then the hills began, but aside from my butt beginning to hurt, things were fine. Next came the first of the really big hills. This was difficult to pedal through in my current position. The bike just doesn’t fit right for a short gal like me. I tried to stand up, but the pedals just flopped. I increased the level way up to try to give some oomph to the pedals, but it didn’t help. “This is stupid,” I mumbled. I looked over at the girl next to me to see if she had noticed my freakish behavior. She was doing a good job of ignoring me. As the programmed cycled through its too hard – too easy – too hard pattern my butt got more and more sore. I muddled through until I hit my goal distance of 10 miles. Then I got off, adjusted the shorts so that my upper leg and butt weren’t showing, and returned to my workday.