Not Happy

Are you the sort of person that hides your feelings well, or do you wear your emotions on your sleeve for all to see? I actually used to be quite good at hiding my feelings. In fact I was too good at it for my own health.

In my teens and early twenties, I worked in the grocery business. I would greet my customers with a smile, ask them how they were doing, and truely listen to what their response was. That was how it was done back then (which wasn’t all that long ago). I got to know my customers very well. I’d ask how little Johnny did in his baseball game last Saturday, and notice that Mrs. H had gotten her hair cut. It made my job all the more pleasant. Even on days when I wasn’t feeling so good, or if something in my personal life had me stressed, my customers rarely would be able to tell. But that was then, and this is now.

Some where on in my life I stopped being able to hide my feelings. I guess it was because I didn’t have to do it anymore. More and more it seemed that I was wearing my emotions on my sleeve for all to read.

So today, department by department was called into mandatory meetings at my work. The message was all too clear – the company is reorganizing and, in 45 days, some of us will be notified that they will no longer have a position. We all received WARNing letters. Not exactly “pink slips,” but pretty darn close to it. I just listened and took it all in. I wrote down the pertinant dates. And then it hit me – I am the last to be hired into my job position. The last! What could *that* mean? They listed the criteria that is considered in the process of “selection” and listed hiring date as one of the last considerations. After we received our letters, I could feel the emotions coming to the top and I bolted out of there. I HAD to go for a run.

And so there it was…I needed to run and yet I had planned to rest today. My running clothes were downstairs in the locker room. I had everything that I would need. I was missing some nice-to-haves like my water-belt, sunscreen, and body glide… but I had what I needed. Soon I was off into the heat of a 100 degree day with tears streaming down my face as I headed down the stairs and my co-workers wondering why I was crying *now*. Why not? What is the point in pretending to be happy? I am NOT.