Now that the marathon is all done, I am experiencing a few aftershocks. After training for six months, the expense for travel, lodging, food, etc. my marathon day came down to a learning experience. In this marathon, I was forced me to examine my priorities. Have I been so focused on this BQ goal that I have forgotten the things that matter so much to me? Perhaps, it isn’t that extreme. I would like to think that I did a good job of balancing out my family, work and running in these past many months. But what about the other things? The regard for others?
It’s been 2 days since the marathon and I can’t shake the image of the girl who was having a seizure on the side of the road. I suppose that is normal. I can’t help but wonder if there really wasn’t something else that I could have offered in help. I am a inactive nurse, but a nurse none the less. On race day, I came upon the scene, stopped briefly, determined that everyone helping out was doing everything that I could think to do in this situation, and then continued running. But was that selfish? It was. Was there anything further that I could have done? Probably not. So why am I so disturbed? I have to ask myself, if there wasn’t enough help, or if they weren’t doing the right thing, would I have not wanted to stop? I know that I *would* have stopped. But would I have not *wanted* to stop? On this race day, there was no doubt that it would not be my day to qualify, but what about the next race. At Grandma?s everyone out there was just lucky to survive.
That brings on the next question: Is this stress that I repeated put on my body too much? Is it insane to push through the pain towards my BQ? Okay, maybe I am going overboard. But really, I went to Duluth with high hopes of a BQ. By traveling far from home, I was forced to leave my family behind. On race day, I was missing them. I was missing them as I made a point to give the little kids high-fives because they were there, and it was HOT, and they were out there for us…for me…anyways. But I wished it had been YaYa and BoBo. And I wanted to see Tom. At the same time I thought how good it was for them not to have to sit in the heat, just waiting for me. Is it selfish for me to have wanted them there? Is it selfish for me to ask them to drop everything that they are doing to sit on the sidelines and wait for me to run past? It is. But I need them. And this race will certainly not be the last.
Great introspection. All moms have been there. Marathon training is a selfish endeavor, regardless of what anyone tells you. You can make yourself sick and crazy trying to please all the people around you or you can make everyone else learn to accommodate your new lifestyle. The priorities change as we move through the different phases of life. What I think we all fear is chasing after running dreams at the expense of family goals. Yeah, it’s definitely a guilt trip and then some.
No, no, no, not selfish. we moms surely suffer more than most from asking this question. As others have said, there were plenty of people helping her. If you were out in the middle of nowhere, with no help in sight, I bet you anything you would have helped her in a minute…with no thoughts of whether you wanted to or not. Your instincts would have taken over. and of COURSE you want your family there! How many years have you been going to their events? I bet they are proud as can be.